Real Couples Therapy

So many couples come to therapy and rehash
their complaints. They get angry and have one
more complaint. It doesn't change anything!
While its good for me as a therapist to know
the complaint list, that's not what change is
about. The first question I have is: What do you
really want in your relationship? The second is:
How hard are you willing to work to get it?
Third: How will you attempt to sabotage our
every effort?

A major blockage in couples work is constant
referencing of past grievances. Its important
to "grieve the grievances". Ultimately we must
let them go and replace them with something
more satisfying. This brings us to the "most
important thing" in couples work: Finding the
fun, joy, and pleasure you are looking for.

If you are going to "work" on your relationship,
the relationship must become intrinsically
rewarding. That is the motivational key.